Doctor told me I am going to die in one year, what should I do?

I am twenty nine, and I am considered an old maid by my family. In my community the unmarried women are simply those who have failed to get a man. I live with my mother, and we have a lot of relatives, who are all dissatisfied with my unmarried state. Aunt Alberta condoles with me on my sallow skin, Uncle Herbert comments on me being so scrawny, Uncle James asks me about my hope-chest sarcastically, and Uncle Benjamin is constantly cracking silly jokes about me. In my spare time I piece quilts, because my mother says that one should not be idle. We have three chest-fulls of these quilts. I started having that queer pain around the heart and consulted Dr Trent. He isn’t a family doctor, I didn’t want my family to know. He examined me and sent me a letter, telling me that I had a year to live. I told no one, and I can’t decide what I should do. I can’t spend the last year of my life piecing quilts and listening to jokes, commiserations and complaints of my relatives. What should I do?

Whatever you do, don’t ask for a second opinion! You don’t need to know if it’s true or not! It’s a good incentive to go out and do stuff.

For example, just go and propose to the man you love. You’re in for a big surprise later, if you do… I promise.

Quilting Corny Jokes (Original Corny Jokes) Why was the local quilting group losing members? Because it had poor BACKING Original Corny Jokes all about quilts. Our ebooks are a quick and easy read. Each joke is an original, not taken or “borrowed” from the internet so every joke is clean and concise. The jokes are corny but they are fun to share with your family and quilting friends. Quilt facts and trivia have been added plus some charming…

Sunflower Sal (Prairie Paperback Books) $6.95 “Sal desperately wants to make a quilt, but her big hands just don’t seem to have the knack of doing such small, fussy work. What she is good at is raising sunflowers. . . . A late-summer climb to the top of Bare Hill reveals that the neat squares of fields and pasture below have been ’stitched together with sunflowers–Sal has made her quilt. It’s a lovely story from Anderson about finding one’s …

These Are Jokes $12.78 Taking Steven Wright’s style of letting the absurdist one-liners fly, standup whiz kid Demetri Martin puts an indie spin on Wright’s shtick and then breaks the act up with some weird, delicate songs featuring Glockenspiel, guitar, and synth. Mostly straight live standup with a couple studio concoctions tacked on the end, the audio portion of These Are Jokes is hilarious with Martin effortlessly delivering endless streams of strangeness and irreverence while occasionally referencing the recording of his debut CD to the audience with such giddy pride you just want to pinch his cheek. The way Martin sees it, life vests protect you from drowning, bulletproof vests protect you from getting shot, and sweater vests protect you from pretty girls. Swimming is interesting because “sometimes you do it for fun, while other times you do it to not die.” The great song “Sames and Opposites” offers “A squirrel is the same as a can/When there’s a B.B. gun in my hand” while Saturday Night Live cast member Will Forte shows up for some crazy scatting and ridiculous vocal vamping on “Personal Information Waltz.” The studio tracks at the end are bizarre — more Residents than They Might Be Giants bizarre — and the bonus DVD features some freaky animation, along with a less satisfying set of standup from a less comfortable sounding Martin. Still, it’s a bonus; and a bonus to a fantastic debut CD from the quirkier, smarter side of standup. ~ David Jeffries, Rovi

Jokes $14.38 Description not provided.

Elephant Jokes $15.98 Has Robert Pollard been reading his reviews lately? The back cover of 2009’s Elephant Jokes, the fifth album Pollard released that year, features the blurb “Another big batch of Robert Pollard songs, a new nadir in patience and delicacy,” suggesting he’s become aware of the not-uncommon complaint that he’s more interested in quantity than quality. But truth to tell, Pollard’s joke has been attached to the wrong record: Elephant Jokes sounds more like a Guided by Voices album than anything Pollard has done in quite a while, which is to say the tunes are short, energetic, and hooky as all get-out and he dives into them with a full head of steam. The album was cut using Pollard’s now standard working method — Bob singing and playing guitar; Todd Tobias recording, producing, and handling the rest of the instruments — but the results suggest Pollard put a bit more thought into his guitar playing, with a larger portion of joyously aggressive slop making its way into the final mix than listeners have come to expect, and though Elephant Jokes still doesn’t perfectly replicate the sound of the members of a full band bouncing ideas off one another in the studio, it comes much closer than most of his post-GbV work. And as for the songs, Elephant Jokes is just consistent enough that perhaps Pollard actually threw away a few less than worthwhile tunes for a change; the wordplay is thoroughly cryptic, as usual, but there’s actually some sort of point to “Things Have Changed (Down in Mexico City)” and “Hippsville (Where the Frisbees Fly Forever),” and the primitivism of “Jimmy” and “Symbols and Heads” is enough to make you think the man has rediscovered his four-track cassette machine, and likes it. Sure, Elephant Jokes is another big batch of Robert Pollard songs, but it harks back to a time when most smart pop fans could hardly ask for anything more. ~ Mark Deming, Rovi Performers: Jim Pollard – Vocals (Background); Robert Pollard – Guitar (Rhythm), Vocals, Guitar; Tim Tobias – Guitar; Todd Tobias – Guitar (Rhythm), Keyboards, Drums, Guitar, Bass